MARRIAGE AND FAMILY MENTORING

EQUIPPING COUPLES TO WIN AT THE MARRIAGE GAME!


A great marriage is not something you HAVE, it's something you DO!

Think about that idea! Do we treat our marriage as if it's just supposed to magically and romantically turn out great for the rest of our lives?

If a great marriage is something you do instead of have, why didn't they give us a "How-To" manual with our marriage certificate?

CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE FOREVER AND YOUR FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!

The Marriage and Family Mentoring Program will help you understand that even a great marriage can get better. But most importantly, by understanding some basic principles on how a healthy marriage functions, even the most troublesome or boring marriages can be fixed and brought back to a healthy, vigorous and enjoyable life!

After years of searching for answers, we found that there's not just one simple fix to develop a great marriage.

We did find however, that it is possible to understand the logistics of why each spouse functions the way that they do!

When you finally begin to understand why you think and act the way you do and why your spouse seems totally different, you can learn how to help them feel fulfilled in the relationship!

When they begin to feel their needs met once more, they'll most likely begin to go out of their way to fulfill yours!

That's a Win-Win situation!

IT'S LIKE FINDING AN OWNERS MANUAL FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!

A great marriage is really about serving each other and striving to meet the needs of your spouse. The problem is that all too often, because we don't understand each other, we don't know how to fill those needs!

Think about this. Have you ever tried to do something really nice for your spouse, maybe even something that you really put a lot of thought and effort into, only to have them not appreciate it? Or worse yet, to express anger or frustration about it?

Believe it or not, situations like this happen all too often in most marriages.

INTERPRETING THE DIVORCE RATE STATISTICS CORRECTLY!

If we have a divorce rate that is somewhere near the 50% mark in our country, what does that tell us about how many truly great marriages exist out there?

If 50% of us are giving up and calling it quits, how many others are just taking an attitude of tolerance or an uneasy truce just for the sake of the kids or simply because we believe in honoring our commitments?

News flash - Marriage was meant to be a rich, rewarding and fulfilling experience! Notice we didn't say simple and easy!

What happens is that, because nobody has ever taught us the basic principles of human relationships and interactions, we try to just slide right through life operating on the same level that we managed to get along with growing up at home.

Come and be Mentored by a couple who has been blessed with a successful marriage but who has not been content to stop there! We wanted to find out why parts of our relationship were going well but others were definitely not. We are constantly looking for ways to improve our relationship and ideas that we can share with others who want a better home life!

IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT LEARNING PRINCIPLES NOT TRYING STRATEGIES!

There really are several basic principles that govern having a great marriage! The problem is that nobody has ever gathered them together to teach them to us in a way that is clear and effective!

That's our mission here at The Marriage and Family Mentoring Program! It really does MAKE SENSE!

TRANSLATING DIVORCE STATISTICS

DIVORCE STATS

We regularly hear that according to current statistics the divorce rate in our country is somewhere around the 50% mark.

That in and of itself is quite a sad commentary on the state of the value we place on marriage in our culture. But we believe it actually only tells part of the story.

Here are some other related factors to consider:

Out of that 50% who have divorced, how many of them went into marriage with an attitude of "We'll just see if this works out. If not, no big deal. We'll just go our separate ways"?

Then again, how many thought it was a joke or a whim in the first place? Zero sense of commitment or responsibility?

Next, how many went in with truly high hopes of a happy future of wedded bliss for the rest of their lives? Only to decide down the road somewhere that they were just totally "incompatible" or something similar?

NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE,

 Let's look at the 50% who are staying married!

How many of those would honestly say that they have a truly great and fulfilling marriage? And how many of them are just tolerating each other to one degree or another for the "sake of the kids" or the commitment they've made?

Let's think of this in terms of a pie chart with some admittedly made up statistics here for the sake of an illustration.

Visualize a circle for your pie chart. If 50% of the marriages end in divorce, then we'll split it right down the center to form 2 halves, married on the right, divorced on the left.

DIVIDE UP THE DIVORCE SIDE

Let's say that maybe 10% of those started out with zero sense of commitment to the concept of marriage in the first place. It was just something that sounded fun to do for a little while, but when we hit any bumps in the road at all, "we're outa here."

We're going to put another 15% into the category of "yeah I like this person and it would be nice if it works out, so let's try it for awhile and see."

That leaves (and we'd bet this is fairly accurate) somewhere around 25% of divorcees who really wanted their marriage to work and intended that it should, but for whatever reason, they just couldn't figure out the correct dynamics. (Remember this group)

NEXT, ARE ALL THOSE ON THE MARRIED SIDE STILL HAPPILY MARRIED?

We'd guess that there are maybe 10% of marriages that, if asked for a serious evaluation, would honestly say that they have a truly great and totally fulfilling marriage.

There will be another 15% or so who would describe their marriage as good, with some bumps here and there, but nothing real serious.

That leaves another 25% that are "tolerating" each other to a lesser or greater degree.

Maybe it's just an acceptable situation that may not be too bad, but it's not fun, enjoyable, rewarding or fulfilling anymore. But hey, we made a commitment and we intend to keep it come heck or high water!

It ranges from that all the way down to "we can't stand each other anymore but we're staying together for the kid's sake."

SO WHAT'S THE REAL TRANSLATION?

What this whole exercise in statistics tells us is, (First of all, about 85% of all statistics are made up on the spot to support your conclusion!!!) but actually that we may be focusing on a smoke screen when we're looking at the divorce stats!

We believe that there are a huge percentage of marriages that we could save and repair and take to a whole new level of fulfillment if we could just teach them the unchanging principles that govern and lead to great marital relationships!

Will we save them all? We're not that naive! But when you have 2 people of goodwill who just aren't getting along but really wish that they could, there is a huge reservoir of hope, if we could just teach them a few basic principles that most people never learn or are never even exposed to!

Here at The Marriage and Family Mentoring Program we teach several different core principles that govern success in any relationship you have but especially in your marriage!

So wherever you may find yourself on our "Pie Chart", if you are a person of goodwill, we invite you to come mentor with us!

Learn from someone who has been able to take their marriage to a whole new level of fulfillment because we learned some new principles and began to apply them in our marriage and family!

MENTORING VS. COUNSELING

WHY MENTORING VS. COUNSELING?

First of all, this is not meant to be a negative towards counseling. But we do know people who have spent much time and money on marriage counseling and not come to a solution. One friend told us that their counseling sessions had been nothing more than paying for an expensive referee. Someone who would allow both sides to vent their feelings without interrupting each other.

Now not being an expert in that area, I'm sure there is much more to it than that. But the frustrating reality for this couple is that they only felt like things kept getting worse and worse. They weren't coming out with any solutions or new knowledge to apply to their lives.

So here is a thought for you;
Most people who have relationship challenges don't have a mental problem, they have a lack of correct knowledge problem!

So what can mentoring offer that doesn't necessarily come with counseling? How about these things:

1. Relate-ability
2. Fruit check
3. Principles vs. Strategies
4. Teaching Missing Truths

RELATE-ABILITY

Is it easier to feel comfortable and relaxed in an office across the desk from a highly trained college graduate or sitting down with someone who you know has traveled a similar path as you and found real world solutions to their challenges? One of the funniest things about learning the principles that govern great relationships is that there is often a tremendous amount of humor involved when we discover the crazy things we have been doing wrong! So it's going to be a pretty relaxed atmosphere!

Nobody is going to be laughing at you, but as we share the story of our discovering of these principles, your cheeks are going to be hurting from the smiles! Life is meant to be fun and funny all at the same time!

FRUIT CHECK

A certificate on a wall and even years of sitting across the desk from troubled people is still vastly different from finding someone who has walked the path you are trying to follow and now knows why they have survived so well! Also be sure to look for someone who has the kind of fruit on the tree that you want in your life.

One of my favorite analogies is that if you are trying to cross a mine field, you want to be sure to ask directions from someone who has successfully crossed before you and still has all of their limbs intact!

Hopefully 28+ years of a marriage that continues to get better, not out of luck, but because we have chosen to become students of what makes a great relationship work, will help to instill confidence in you. Plus 8 happy kids and a growing number of grand kids all add up to a significant amount of experience!

PRINCIPLES VS. STRATEGIES

Our biggest break through came when we finally realized that there were unchangeable principles that governed human interactions, instead of them just being some random, unexplainable idiosyncrasies of the opposite sex as most of us were raised to believe!

Prior to that time we had encountered a bunch of different strategies that were supposed to make all of the difference if we would just apply them properly. The problem was that in the heat of the moment, it was extremely difficult to recall which one applied in that particular situation!

TEACHING MISSING TRUTHS

Most of us are trying to function in our relationships without any training or education on the subject that is most important to us. We are working from a blueprint that has many of the important details missing from it! What we need is someone a little further down the road to teach us what we are missing and fill in the blanks for us!

SO WHAT IS A MENTOR?

A mentor is not quite the same thing as a trusted friend, although there is definitely a strong element of friendship there. But the comparison would be that a friend is someone who loves you no matter what you are today. A mentor on the other hand is someone who cares enough about you to help you see what you can become and hold the bar high for you while at the same time giving you a lift over it!




CREDENTIALS (JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT)

Happily Married since 1984!
Parents of 8 well adjusted kids!
Grandparents to a growing posterity!
Several years of studying, pondering, discussing, evaluating and teaching marriage principles!
Popular public speakers!
Years of teaching experience!
Desire to serve other people!