First of all, this is not meant to be a negative towards counseling. But we do know people who have spent much time and money on marriage counseling and not come to a solution. One friend told us that their counseling sessions had been nothing more than paying for an expensive referee. Someone who would allow both sides to vent their feelings without interrupting each other.
Now not being an expert in that area, I'm sure there is much more to it than that. But the frustrating reality for this couple is that they only felt like things kept getting worse and worse. They weren't coming out with any solutions or new knowledge to apply to their lives.
So here is a thought for you;
Most people who have relationship challenges don't have a mental problem, they have a lack of correct knowledge problem!
So what can mentoring offer that doesn't necessarily come with counseling? How about these things:
1. Relate-ability
2. Fruit check
3. Principles vs. Strategies
4. Teaching Missing Truths
RELATE-ABILITY
Is it easier to feel comfortable and relaxed in an office across the desk from a highly trained college graduate or sitting down with someone who you know has traveled a similar path as you and found real world solutions to their challenges? One of the funniest things about learning the principles that govern great relationships is that there is often a tremendous amount of humor involved when we discover the crazy things we have been doing wrong! So it's going to be a pretty relaxed atmosphere!
Nobody is going to be laughing at you, but as we share the story of our discovering of these principles, your cheeks are going to be hurting from the smiles! Life is meant to be fun and funny all at the same time!
FRUIT CHECK
A certificate on a wall and even years of sitting across the desk from troubled people is still vastly different from finding someone who has walked the path you are trying to follow and now knows why they have survived so well! Also be sure to look for someone who has the kind of fruit on the tree that you want in your life.
One of my favorite analogies is that if you are trying to cross a mine field, you want to be sure to ask directions from someone who has successfully crossed before you and still has all of their limbs intact!
Hopefully 28+ years of a marriage that continues to get better, not out of luck, but because we have chosen to become students of what makes a great relationship work, will help to instill confidence in you. Plus 8 happy kids and a growing number of grand kids all add up to a significant amount of experience!
PRINCIPLES VS. STRATEGIES
Our biggest break through came when we finally realized that there were unchangeable principles that governed human interactions, instead of them just being some random, unexplainable idiosyncrasies of the opposite sex as most of us were raised to believe!
Prior to that time we had encountered a bunch of different strategies that were supposed to make all of the difference if we would just apply them properly. The problem was that in the heat of the moment, it was extremely difficult to recall which one applied in that particular situation!
TEACHING MISSING TRUTHS
Most of us are trying to function in our relationships without any training or education on the subject that is most important to us. We are working from a blueprint that has many of the important details missing from it! What we need is someone a little further down the road to teach us what we are missing and fill in the blanks for us!
SO WHAT IS A MENTOR?
A mentor is not quite the same thing as a trusted friend, although there is definitely a strong element of friendship there. But the comparison would be that a friend is someone who loves you no matter what you are today. A mentor on the other hand is someone who cares enough about you to help you see what you can become and hold the bar high for you while at the same time giving you a lift over it!
CREDENTIALS (JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT)
Happily Married since 1984!
Parents of 8 well adjusted kids!
Grandparents to a growing posterity!
Several years of studying, pondering, discussing, evaluating and teaching marriage principles!
Popular public speakers!
Years of teaching experience!
Desire to serve other people!
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