TRANSLATING DIVORCE STATISTICS

DIVORCE STATS

We regularly hear that according to current statistics the divorce rate in our country is somewhere around the 50% mark.

That in and of itself is quite a sad commentary on the state of the value we place on marriage in our culture. But we believe it actually only tells part of the story.

Here are some other related factors to consider:

Out of that 50% who have divorced, how many of them went into marriage with an attitude of "We'll just see if this works out. If not, no big deal. We'll just go our separate ways"?

Then again, how many thought it was a joke or a whim in the first place? Zero sense of commitment or responsibility?

Next, how many went in with truly high hopes of a happy future of wedded bliss for the rest of their lives? Only to decide down the road somewhere that they were just totally "incompatible" or something similar?

NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE,

 Let's look at the 50% who are staying married!

How many of those would honestly say that they have a truly great and fulfilling marriage? And how many of them are just tolerating each other to one degree or another for the "sake of the kids" or the commitment they've made?

Let's think of this in terms of a pie chart with some admittedly made up statistics here for the sake of an illustration.

Visualize a circle for your pie chart. If 50% of the marriages end in divorce, then we'll split it right down the center to form 2 halves, married on the right, divorced on the left.

DIVIDE UP THE DIVORCE SIDE

Let's say that maybe 10% of those started out with zero sense of commitment to the concept of marriage in the first place. It was just something that sounded fun to do for a little while, but when we hit any bumps in the road at all, "we're outa here."

We're going to put another 15% into the category of "yeah I like this person and it would be nice if it works out, so let's try it for awhile and see."

That leaves (and we'd bet this is fairly accurate) somewhere around 25% of divorcees who really wanted their marriage to work and intended that it should, but for whatever reason, they just couldn't figure out the correct dynamics. (Remember this group)

NEXT, ARE ALL THOSE ON THE MARRIED SIDE STILL HAPPILY MARRIED?

We'd guess that there are maybe 10% of marriages that, if asked for a serious evaluation, would honestly say that they have a truly great and totally fulfilling marriage.

There will be another 15% or so who would describe their marriage as good, with some bumps here and there, but nothing real serious.

That leaves another 25% that are "tolerating" each other to a lesser or greater degree.

Maybe it's just an acceptable situation that may not be too bad, but it's not fun, enjoyable, rewarding or fulfilling anymore. But hey, we made a commitment and we intend to keep it come heck or high water!

It ranges from that all the way down to "we can't stand each other anymore but we're staying together for the kid's sake."

SO WHAT'S THE REAL TRANSLATION?

What this whole exercise in statistics tells us is, (First of all, about 85% of all statistics are made up on the spot to support your conclusion!!!) but actually that we may be focusing on a smoke screen when we're looking at the divorce stats!

We believe that there are a huge percentage of marriages that we could save and repair and take to a whole new level of fulfillment if we could just teach them the unchanging principles that govern and lead to great marital relationships!

Will we save them all? We're not that naive! But when you have 2 people of goodwill who just aren't getting along but really wish that they could, there is a huge reservoir of hope, if we could just teach them a few basic principles that most people never learn or are never even exposed to!

Here at The Marriage and Family Mentoring Program we teach several different core principles that govern success in any relationship you have but especially in your marriage!

So wherever you may find yourself on our "Pie Chart", if you are a person of goodwill, we invite you to come mentor with us!

Learn from someone who has been able to take their marriage to a whole new level of fulfillment because we learned some new principles and began to apply them in our marriage and family!